Why do i cause myself so much pain?
Driving everyone away, falling so behind, and yet laughing at myself because I'm so fucking stupid and pathetic. I feel bad for anyone who cares for me, because i disappoint them. i drive myself insane and i cry within my mind, telling myself i hate myself, why can't you be any better? Are you fucking kidding me? You're such a fucking idiot. Lose weight, fat ass. HAHAHAHA! Worthless shit. Good job, you have nothing! You are number one in absolutely nothing, you god damn fucking loser. Constant negativity killing anything worthy in me. I haven't felt good for a very long time, i don't know what feeling good is like anymore. why am i so destructive and why can't i stop it? it's constantly there, i do something amazing, then i cut myself. i do something for someone to make them feel better, and i grab something to burn myself with. i hurt myself to make myself feel a bit better just for a moment. anyone i love i'm sorry. i'm so sorry i hate myself.
i've been to the hospital more then a few times in the last six months, i don't even who i am anymore.
i've lost it, and it hurts deeply.
Dr. Coodin frustrates me. My family frustrates me. My friends, friends? They frustrate me.
I don't deserve anyone.
Fuck sakes, I'm sorry I can't seem to see the color white.
Gray, and black. Gray, and black. Gray, and black.
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